Skip to content 
Life is filled with pivotal moments when we face uncertain, high-stakes decisions. Whether it’s leaving a job, taking a leap into an unknown opportunity, ending a relationship, or even something as simple as trying a new cuisine, the weight of the unknown can be intimidating. In times like these, a single question can provide surprising clarity: “What will I lose if I make this change?”
This question challenges us to look beyond the surface and really assess the value of what we have—and what we might be leaving behind. It’s a technique that shifts our focus from the fear of the unknown to an honest evaluation of what matters most. Let’s explore this approach through an example.
The Power of Self-Reflection
Imagine someone considering whether to end a relationship that feels empty but still brings with it a certain level of comfort and predictability. When asked what’s holding her back, she hesitates, admitting uncertainty in her decision. By breaking down what she stands to lose, she can begin to see her situation more clearly.
She reflects on each potential loss: financial security? No, she’s confident in her ability to support herself. Companionship? It’s the lack of companionship that’s made her consider leaving. A sense of security? That sense faded long ago. Through each question, she finds herself realizing that none of the “losses” are truly losses at all.
Identifying the Real Gains
Once she understands there’s nothing in the relationship that’s enriching her life, the question shifts: “What will you gain if you leave?” For her, the answer is simple yet powerful: freedom. Freedom to live without unappreciated duties, to breathe, and to live free of constant judgment. It’s an answer that resonates deeply, providing her the clarity she needs to make her decision.
Our Natural Bias Against Loss
Human beings are wired to avoid loss. This bias can hold us back from making changes, even when they could improve our lives. But by examining what we stand to lose and asking whether we can afford those losses, we free ourselves from this bias and gain clarity.
Next time you face a challenging decision, consider asking yourself: “What will I lose if I make this choice?” Understanding the answer can illuminate what’s really holding you back and reveal the new path that might be waiting for you.
